Soft massages and harsh messages

I wonder if American, Australian and Japanese citizens find Quad meetings as entertaining as Indians? But we are lucky because our chef Diyar likes nothing more than to put on a show. Like the amazing unsolicited arm massage he gave new Australian Prime Minister Anthony Albanese as he was engrossed in a conversation with the US President.

It’s the kind of thing bullies do at school, sneakily pinching their classmates when the teachers aren’t looking. I understand Chief Diyar was jealous because Biden ignored him and went straight to Albanese, but hey, why punish Albanese for that?

As well as the conversation between Biden and Albanese was brief, otherwise Chief Diyar’s attention-seeking efforts might have gone from that arm massage to an Ayush-style full-body massage, and any normal Indian (that’s i.e. non-Sanghi) reportedly winced and moaned “Mother Earth swallow me now” in one voice.

While the Diyar Leader is over 70, he constantly seeks attention like a grumpy baby. In India, he used to be the center of attention with people falling at his feet and clinging to his every word. Not because he’s charming (only fanatics find him charismatic), but because they’re terrified of his arm-twisting tactics that hurt far more than his arm massages on world leaders – he’s not not at all gentle with his fellow Indians.

Threats from IT, ED, NCB raids, CBI, UAPA, sedition and other horrible things make the heartless people sing his praises.

India’s biggest crony capitalists like Mukeshvich and Ratanski often praised him on national television when he kindly asked them (a little PMO boost and a tantalizing glimpse into India’s national assets with ‘For Sale’ tags are enough), but even that isn’t good enough for him anymore.

While he still wrecked the economy he needs more PR to make him look like a saint so now he has many other industrialists running full page ads in newspapers thanking him for cut fuel and cooking gas prices by a measly few dollars. Not enough to relieve at all, which is why all this hysterical PR started.

Well guess what? I am also jumping on the “Thank you Diyar Leader” bandwagon. I can’t afford to post ads, so I’m doing it in this column. Here it is: Thank you Diyar Leader for making cooking oil so expensive that I started eating raw vegetables. My skin isn’t glowing yet and my stomach is as bloated as a blimp, but at least I saved some money. I also gave up the carbs and completely stopped using the gas canister.

If every Indian follows my example, India will have tons of wheat and other foodstuffs to give to the world, and Chief Diyar might finally get his first significant international award for saving the world (except for the world). India) from hunger. Remember he is now in the doghouse for reneging on his brash promise to export wheat when there is a severe shortage in India?

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About Adam Motte

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